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WHO SHOULD I TELL I WAS ADOPTED?

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Your story is yours. Your family is different than your friends’ families and you don’t know everything about them, just like your friends don’t know everything about your family. Telling your adoption story is a choice you get to make for yourself, now that you’re old enough to know who is trustworthy with your heart and who isn’t.

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When you are with your parents at home, think about to whom and what you will say to people. Your mom and dad can walk you through what’s good to say and what is private and special for just your family to know. Our family has decided that we will only tell our close friends our adoption stories, just the people we love and trust. We’ve decided that we will talk about how our birthparents made a great choice and are still part of our lives.

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We know that sometimes people make poor choices even when they’re good people, right? These choices can be as small as choosing to eat chips instead of an apple; or it can cause hurt and tears, like someone making fun of you when they find out you’re adopted. This doesn’t make someone bad; it just means they made a bad choice. Bad choices can come from anger, Satan tricking you, or just not understanding or knowing they’re hurting you.   

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WHAT IF SOMEONE MAKES FUN OF ME?

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What to do if someone makes fun of you:

• Ignore the person and walk away. That gives the person a minute to think about what he or she was saying, and stop being mean.

• Ask the person to stop. You can say being adopted just means you have extra people who love you and that you get to call your family. Tell the person that you are happy to answer any questions about adoption he or she has, but if they’re trying to hurt your feelings, it won’t work. Being adopted isn’t something bad – it’s actually pretty cool.

• Tell a grownup – a teacher or your parents.

• Don’t ever, ever think that what the person is saying is true. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that being adopted does mean you’re special and extra-loved by both your birthfamily and your family. It doesn’t mean you’re bad or not worth keeping; adoption means that God has a very special plan for your life that includes adoption.

• Most importantly, forgive the person who teased you. This might be the hardest of all the steps to take when someone has made fun of you, especially if they never realize how bad they hurt you or say they’re sorry.
  
  Forgive

Forgiveness is so important whenever someone hurts us. The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness. First it says we have to forgive other people who hurt us, because God – who is perfect and never messes up – has forgiven us, His children, time and time again, when we mess up or don’t obey Him. But the Bible also talks a lot about how forgiving other people just makes our lives better. It’s hard to be happy when you’re mad. Not forgiving someone is holding on to that anger and it stops us from being the best and happiest we can be.

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Forgiving someone who hurt you doesn’t mean you have to pretend like it never happened. This person might just not be good for you to be around, especially if they’re not sorry for hurting your feelings. That’s okay; it’s better to just stay away from someone if you know it’s not a good situation. Try not to put yourself in a position of being hurt again. Forgiving that person, though, is so you can feel better. Forgiveness is like putting a band-aid on a cut finger – it doesn’t make the cut go away, but it helps the pain heal faster. You can even tell the person that you forgive them for hurting your feelings, which just might lead to you telling them about how you forgive because Jesus forgave you!

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Here are some things the Bible has to say about forgiveness:

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“Put up with each other. Forgive the things you are holding against one another. Forgive, just as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)

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“Forgive people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

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“Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen.” (The Lord’s Prayer)

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“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

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